Reading Time: 8 minutes Here’s How To Try To Avoid The Disasters Of A Divorce
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You can’t always save a relationship. There will be times for a marriage when divorce is the right answer because things have reached the point of no return. One spouse could have been abusive or toxic.
If you are about to proceed through a divorce you need to avoid some of the common disasters. Here are the key steps you should take.
Table of Contents
What To Do In An Unhappy Marriage?
Talk through Your Struggles
You may want to sit down and talk through your struggles with your spouse. There may be many reasons why you’re unhappy in your marriage.
Converse with your partner and try to work through your problems and get on the same page. There might be issues that are bothering either one of you that the other person isn’t aware of.
Sometimes all it takes to improve a marriage is better and more in-depth communication.
Spend Quality Time Together
Spend more time together if you want to try to turn your marriage around and have happier days ahead. When the happiness fades, it may be because you no longer participate in fun activities as a couple or laugh and be silly.
Therefore, make it a priority to schedule quality time with your spouse and see if you can reconnect again. Go on regular date nights and eliminate any distractions to see if there’s still a spark.
It’s a chance to get to know each other again and be generous.
Consider Moving on
Remind yourself that while maybe not your first choice, you have options for ending the marriage. If you two have a mutual understanding and want to work together to protect your family’s interests, you might want to opt for a collaborative divorce.
When you’re in an unhappy marriage and have tried to resolve your issues without any progress, then it might be the best decision for you at this time.
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Focus on the Positives & Exercise Forgiveness
Although you may be sad or frustrated, you don’t want your health and happiness to end up suffering. When you’re in an unhappy marriage, try to focus on the positives and the good times you’ve had together.
Exercise forgiveness so that you can get to a better place and not hold onto anger or resentment. It’s imperative if you have kids and don’t want them to be burdened with the split and your situation.
Learn to let go so you can heal and move forward, and you can avoid being a victim.
Speak To Your Partner
It has already been said, but we are saying it again. If you are not happy in your marriage, then you need to make sure that you are speaking to your partner before divorce proceedings begin.
The reason for this is that you should try and agree to keep things amicable where you can.
This is particularly important if you have children. In some cases, you can keep the divorce out of a courtroom. But this is far from a guarantee.
At the very least, you should try and ensure that both you and your partner will agree to keep things civil. You must try and avoid a nasty legal battle if you can.
Just because you have fallen out of love with your partner, does not mean that they have as well. They might still love you, which means that they will find it harder to accept that you want to divorce.
You might be questioning your marriage. Maybe now is the time to decide if you should stay or if you should go. Divorce should never be your first answer to relationship issues. Being in a relationship takes time and you need to see if you can mend the broken pieces first.
If there is no solution to your failing marriage, it’s time to discuss divorce. However, it’s important that you can talk about this calmly, especially if children are involved. If you become hot-headed, then this might make a co-parenting relationship tough in the future.
Obviously telling your partner that you want a divorce is difficult, but you can do a few things, like picking the right location, not blaming them, and not talking in a hopeful manner that your marriage can be saved. You don’t want to create false hope.
Know Your Budget
While there are ways to limit the cost of divorce proceedings, it’s always going to be an expensive endeavor. That’s why you need to make sure that you need to think about your budget and how much money you have available to spend.
Obviously, you will be hoping to claim a solid portion of the assets during the divorce. But you do need to work out how much you will be able to pay your attorney. You may also want to explore different credit avenues.
Keep The Kids Out Of It
Finally, if you have children, you need to make sure that they are away from the divorce proceedings as much as possible. Your divorce is always going to be a stressful experience for them.
You need to mitigate the damage here. They should never feel as though they are being used as a pawn by you or your partner.
This is one of the things that you agree on when you speak to your partner before you proceed with divorce proceedings. Remember, the best lawyer will ensure that the interests of the child are always firmly in mind.
Consider Additional Help
There’s no shame in needing more help when it comes to divorce. Even in the most amicable of splits, they can still be tricky to navigate. There are so many things to consider.
From the splitting of assets to the custody of children. Nothing ever seems to be quite as straightforward as you might like it to be.
If you’re unable to settle the divorce outside of the courtroom, consider approaching a family law firm. You might be hesitant at first. Particularly because hiring lawyers can incur additional charges and even add time to the proceedings.
But they’ll get the job done if you’re having trouble alone.
The beauty of hiring an attorney is that you automatically have someone on your side. They’ll work hard to ensure your best interests are achieved in the divorce. And they’re worth the extra money you might pay for them.
First, you should make sure that you do choose the right lawyer for your divorce. Don’t end up in a situation where you have a lawyer that you can’t trust to deliver the high quality service you need.
If you have any doubt about the effectiveness of your lawyer, then you may want to research a top local law firm.
Most law firms do provide free consultations. This means that you can get a feel for the service before you commit to hiring them for the job. That’s important as you need to make sure that you are comfortable with the person who is going to be representing you in court.
Hire a Process Server
If you have been able to talk to your partner about getting a divorce, hopefully, they will behave amicably. Then you can get it all sorted without a problem. However, more often than not, some people don’t want to get a divorce for some reason or another.
They are trained to deal with difficult people and can help find people who don’t want to be found. They know what can and can’t be done, so at least you know that you’ll be following the law.
This is just a nice quick and easy way to get things sorted, particularly when people are being difficult.
Try to avoid a trial
If the disputes in a divorce cannot be settled amicably, then it will be inevitable that it goes for a trial. Your legal advisors will try to help you settle the case outside of court, but they will need your help to do that too.
Aim for a mediation, as shown at Equitable Mediation, rather than battling it out at courts. To do this, you need to think with your head rather than your heart, be open to compromise, and try to put aside any urges you might have to use the legal side of the divorce to hurt your soon-to-be ex-spouse.
Aim for an ending that does the least harm to everyone involved.
Use your attorney’s time well
If you have a question for your attorney, it’s better to ask it than to let it stew. However, most attorneys are paid based on the time they spend with you. If that’s the case for you, don’t waste their or your time when possible.
For instance, if you have a question for them out of the blue, it may be better to email them rather than phone them. Be sure to keep it clear and concise as well.
If you have to call your lawyer, try to keep the conversation as concise and as point as possible. Have as much information prepared in advance as possible.
Be organized with your finances
During a divorce, much of your time will be spent splitting assets. As such, you don’t want to waste a lot of time during the process nitpicking over the worth of assets, accounts, debts, and so on.
Getting your banking and financial records ready in advance will save time, saving money, and if you have them organized and easy to pull up electronically, that’s even better.
You can have your assets appraised to find out their actual value, but this can be costly compared to the process of simply talking with your partner and agreeing mutually on what value they should be considered.
Collaborate and communicate
If you can agree with your spouse on how to handle the divorce, it will likely cost you a lot less. It can be tough to be amicable during a divorce, but if you can agree on even simple things like what time to schedule negotiations and mediation, then it will benefit both of you.
The more you can agree on aspects like alimony payments and length, child custody, visitations, child support, etc., the smoother and shorter the mediation or divorce.
Naturally, you may not be able to agree on everything, and you shouldn’t be willing to compromise on absolutely everything, either. You should consider listening to your lawyer’s advice against a specific approach.
If you’re going through a divorce, there’s likely no way to avoid spending some money. At the very least, you will need someone to represent you.
Hopefully, the tips above can stop it from leaving a financial impact that will take months or even years to heal completely.
In Conclusion
We hope this helps you understand some of the disasters that you can experience during divorce proceedings and the best way to avoid them completely. By exploring the right options here, you can stop a divorce from becoming a complete nightmare as well as the end of your relationship.
Erin is the mother of identical twin girls and their slightly older brother. She is a domestic engineer, and previously had a career leading customer service teams for a major HVAC company. Cleaning without harsh chemicals, and cooking easy and usually healthy meals are part of Erin's daily life. She volunteers with youth leaders, and genuinely wants to help others win. Erin has a degree in Communications, with a focus on Broadcast Journalism.